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Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times »

Posted by: ind06 3 months, 2 weeks ago

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THE ONION NEWS NETWORK - New security measures put in place to allay terror fears are threatening to drive suspicious package retailers out of business.

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Comments So Far: 30

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ind06
April 10, 2008, 2:12 a.m.
Tell me about it. My Master's Degree in Suspiciography isn't worth the paper it's printed on any more.

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  deathray
  April 10, 2008, 7:52 a.m.
  My package? Hard time? Suspicious?
  Never.
  
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    ind06
    April 10, 2008, 2:05 p.m.
    I suspect you're making a double entendre...
    
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      Uncle Dave
      April 10, 2008, 8:03 p.m.
      Sounds like a triple to me indy!
      
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    Beeboppin71
    April 10, 2008, 10:24 p.m.
    ALL packages are subject to suspicion at one time or another. Thing is, you never really know what's inside until you open them up.
    
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ranchhand
April 10, 2008, 10:06 a.m.
I'm always worried about my package becoming obsolete.

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Uncle Dave
April 10, 2008, 10:28 a.m.
The suspicious package industry might be hurting, but the Suspicious Package Destroying Robot Industry is booming, figuratively and literally!

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Shadowolf
April 10, 2008, 11:28 a.m.
Uncle Dave...
I just sent ya a suspicious package!!!

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  ranchhand
  April 10, 2008, 3:57 p.m.
  I hope you insured it. You know how the post office loses stuff.
  
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  Uncle Dave
  April 10, 2008, 8:11 p.m.
  What's suspicious about a hockey puck and a six pack of Molson's......correction a five pack of Molson's!
  Damned custom's agents!
  
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    Shadowolf
    April 10, 2008, 10:14 p.m.
    uhh, six homemade biscuits and a case of Leinies BerryWeiss...
    (First batch of biscuits I made, back in '70 are still around today...they are bein' used as practice pucks for the Chicago Blackhawks...)
    
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      Uncle Dave
      April 10, 2008, 10:11 p.m.
      You forgot the Brats, Bro!
      
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        Shadowolf
        April 10, 2008, 10:15 p.m.
        Thats next...
        
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      Beeboppin71
      April 10, 2008, 10:26 p.m.
      HEY!!!! The Black Hawks said they were using mine! My first batch was in 1999 so it's probable that yours are no longer being used?
      
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        Uncle Dave
        April 10, 2008, 10:42 p.m.
        They use Shad's for the heat shield tiles on the space shuttle! ;-)
        
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        Shadowolf
        April 11, 2008, 1:24 p.m.
        If they retired mine, they failed to notify me...
        
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Smith867
April 10, 2008, 11:48 a.m.
I love this wonderful article so much. It's really nice, thank you.

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itsme2
April 10, 2008, 1:37 p.m.
Where will I get my suspicious packages now!!!

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  ind06
  April 10, 2008, 2:04 p.m.
  The flip side of the coin is Do-It-Yourself suspicious package software is booming.
  A good program to get is "SusPak 5.0" available at AllThingsUntrustworthy. com
  
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    itsme2
    April 10, 2008, 5:48 p.m.
    Thanks indy I knew I could count on you!!
    
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      Uncle Dave
      April 10, 2008, 9:04 p.m.
      He should change his name to Abacus.
      
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      ind06
      April 11, 2008, 1:01 a.m.
      :)
      
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cowboygrandpa
April 10, 2008, 2:40 p.m.
Well, I picked up a suspicious package and my suspicions were confirmed. They were implants. That made want to get out of the suspicious package gamble. LOL
Good one ind06

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  ranchhand
  April 10, 2008, 3:59 p.m.
  I always like the prize in the bottom.
  
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    icono1
    April 10, 2008, 9:19 p.m.
    Would that prize be a discount coupon for the second order of implants if of greater implantable volume?
    
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2sidestoeverything
April 10, 2008, 9:38 p.m.
Everyone is falling on hard times but I never thought the suspicious package industry would be hit. LOL! indy your the best.

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  ind06
  April 11, 2008, 3:08 a.m.
  Why thank you so much, 2sides :)
  
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ETproductions
April 11, 2008, 12:50 a.m.
Who will be next? All the makers of white powdery substances?

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  ind06
  April 11, 2008, 3:08 a.m.
  Not Arm & Hammer?!
  
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    ETproductions
    April 11, 2008, 11:11 p.m.
    Ha! How far can that be from Hammer and Cycle. See what I mean.
    
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