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Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times
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Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times

Popular Videos – THE ONION NEWS NETWORK - New security measures put in place to allay terror fears are threatening to drive suspicious package retailers out of business.

Tags: SATIRE, Shifty Eyed, Messenger Companies, Also, Hard Hit

View Story Discuss (30) (theonion.com) 100 days ago by ind06

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Rating: +14 (+14/-0) | 2008-04-10 02:12:02
ind06
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Tell me about it. My Master's Degree in Suspiciography isn't worth the paper it's printed on any more.

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Rating: +14 (+14/-0) | 2008-04-10 07:52:11
deathray
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My package? Hard time? Suspicious?

Never.

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Rating: +11 (+11/-0) | 2008-04-10 14:05:13
ind06
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I suspect you're making a double entendre...

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Rating: +9 (+9/-0) | 2008-04-10 20:03:48
Uncle Dave
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Sounds like a triple to me indy!

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Rating: +6 (+6/-0) | 2008-04-10 22:24:15
Beeboppin71
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ALL packages are subject to suspicion at one time or another. Thing is, you never really know what's inside until you open them up.

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Rating: +12 (+12/-0) | 2008-04-10 10:06:53
ranchhand
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I'm always worried about my package becoming obsolete.

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Rating: +12 (+12/-0) | 2008-04-10 10:28:48
Uncle Dave
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The suspicious package industry might be hurting, but the Suspicious Package Destroying Robot Industry is booming, figuratively and literally!

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Rating: +10 (+10/-0) | 2008-04-10 11:28:14
Shadowolf
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Uncle Dave...

I just sent ya a suspicious package!!!

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Rating: +13 (+13/-0) | 2008-04-10 15:57:42
ranchhand
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I hope you insured it. You know how the post office loses stuff.

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Rating: +8 (+8/-0) | 2008-04-10 20:11:56
Uncle Dave
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What's suspicious about a hockey puck and a six pack of Molson's......correction a five pack of Molson's!

Damned custom's agents!

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Rating: +5 (+5/-0) | 2008-04-10 22:14:45
Shadowolf
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uhh, six homemade biscuits and a case of Leinies BerryWeiss...

(First batch of biscuits I made, back in '70 are still around today...they are bein' used as practice pucks for the Chicago Blackhawks...)

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Rating: +5 (+5/-0) | 2008-04-10 22:11:59
Uncle Dave
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You forgot the Brats, Bro!

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Rating: +5 (+5/-0) | 2008-04-10 22:15:17
Shadowolf
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Thats next...

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Rating: +5 (+5/-0) | 2008-04-10 22:26:41
Beeboppin71
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HEY!!!! The Black Hawks said they were using mine! My first batch was in 1999 so it's probable that yours are no longer being used?

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Rating: +5 (+5/-0) | 2008-04-10 22:42:02
Uncle Dave
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They use Shad's for the heat shield tiles on the space shuttle! ;-)

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Rating: +2 (+2/-0) | 2008-04-11 13:24:20
Shadowolf
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If they retired mine, they failed to notify me...

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Rating: +10 (+10/-0) | 2008-04-10 11:48:55
Smith867
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I love this wonderful article so much. It's really nice, thank you.

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Rating: +10 (+10/-0) | 2008-04-10 13:37:10
itsme2
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Where will I get my suspicious packages now!!!

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Rating: +11 (+11/-0) | 2008-04-10 14:04:00
ind06
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The flip side of the coin is Do-It-Yourself suspicious package software is booming.

A good program to get is "SusPak 5.0" available at AllThingsUntrustworthy. com

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Rating: +10 (+10/-0) | 2008-04-10 17:48:43
itsme2
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Thanks indy I knew I could count on you!!

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Rating: +8 (+8/-0) | 2008-04-10 21:04:52
Uncle Dave
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He should change his name to Abacus.

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Rating: +6 (+6/-0) | 2008-04-11 01:01:09
ind06
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:)

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Rating: +11 (+11/-0) | 2008-04-10 14:40:12
cowboygrandpa
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Well, I picked up a suspicious package and my suspicions were confirmed. They were implants. That made want to get out of the suspicious package gamble. LOL

Good one ind06

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Rating: +11 (+11/-0) | 2008-04-10 15:59:34
ranchhand
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I always like the prize in the bottom.

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Rating: +8 (+8/-0) | 2008-04-10 21:19:21
icono1
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Would that prize be a discount coupon for the second order of implants if of greater implantable volume?

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Rating: +8 (+8/-0) | 2008-04-10 21:38:04
2sidestoeverything
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Everyone is falling on hard times but I never thought the suspicious package industry would be hit. LOL! indy your the best.

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Rating: +2 (+2/-0) | 2008-04-11 03:08:17
ind06
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Why thank you so much, 2sides :)

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Rating: +6 (+6/-0) | 2008-04-11 00:50:54
ETproductions
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Who will be next? All the makers of white powdery substances?

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Rating: +3 (+3/-0) | 2008-04-11 03:08:48
ind06
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Not Arm & Hammer?!

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Rating: +0 (+0/-0) | 2008-04-11 23:11:24
ETproductions
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Ha! How far can that be from Hammer and Cycle. See what I mean.

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